What Does She Want: Understanding a Woman’s Mind

A Thai woman smiling to the camera
What does she want? To understand a woman’s mind, avoid making generalizations.

Do you have a hard time understanding women?

Given that you have different backgrounds and experiences, it’s normal to find it challenging to understand their views.

However, to get into a relationship, you need to be able to understand how a woman’s mind works.

To begin doing so, we’re going to help you answer the number one question that leaves most men lost and confused: What does she want?

Debunking the Common Answers

What does she want from me?

When attempting to understand what women want in a relationship, you’ll come across plenty of advice articles on the Internet that typically suggest the following:

  • A nice and loyal guy.

  • Someone who is respectful.

  • A man who is willing to listen to their opinions.

  • Someone who doesn’t rush them.

  • A guy who can provide for their needs and wants.

All of this is true. However, note how generic they are.

Every woman is unique. While each of them generally wants their partner to have the aforementioned characteristics, each one has different needs and wants in life, different personalities, and is at a different stage in life.

That being said, the real answer to what she wants is this: It depends.

It depends on her lifestyle, her interests, her needs, her desires, and who she is.

What Do Women Want in a Relationship?

What does she want and need in a partner? Get a sense of who she is by asking her the following questions during the first few minutes of your first date or during your initial interactions.

Is this something you plan on doing long-term?

Find out how ambitious and committed she is to the things she likes.

If she works a typical 9-to-5 job and wants to stay in it, she’s likely someone who wants to remain in her comfort zone rather than take a risk and explore other options.

In this case, she might seek a partner who similarly has a stable career, rather than someone who’s adventurous and impulsive in decision-making.

A man on a first date thinking, “What do women want in a relationship?” so he can align his words and actions to it
What do women want in a relationship? Get to know her lifestyle and interests to gauge her preferences in a partner.

Are you a planner?

Determine whether she’s methodical, a thrill seeker, or somewhere in between.

If she’s the latter and claims not to be the type to plan things out, she might be searching for a partner who can provide her with the same sense of excitement, rather than someone who’s overly focused on details.

On the other hand, if she indicates a preference for leaving the planning to someone else, she’s likely seeking a man who knows how to make decisions with future considerations in mind.

Is that a good thing?

If she offers a descriptive comment on your story or your response, ask whether she views it positively.

For example, if she says, “Well, that’s interesting,” asking her if it’s a good thing enables her to elaborate on why she finds it so, and allows you to gauge her interest in the conversation, essentially seeking feedback.

Other questions you can ask her include:

  • What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

  • How was it for you growing up?

  • Can you envision yourself relocating to another city or country?

  • What is your current impression of me?

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Knowing What You Can Offer

After learning about her, reflect on yourself.

Are you someone who is commonly seen as a nice guy? Or are you like a wise, fatherly figure for others? Do you have a stable career, or are you still in the process of figuring out your path in life?

What are your strengths when it comes to being in a relationship? Are you a good communicator, listener, or provider?

As for your interests, are you drawn to athletic activities, films, or parties?

Moreover, what are you willing to do for someone you love? Would you be ready to accompany her shopping for hours on end? Or are you the type who prefers to provide her with the means to shop independently?

Knowing what you can offer is similar to a salesman mastering his company’s products and services handbook. This way, he knows precisely what to select and recommend to his client.

A man leading her on a date based on what she wants to do
Let her see that you’re capable of being a great partner. Ask yourself, “What does she want to do? How can I contribute to it?”

What Does She Want to Do?

In sales, clients are classified into four common archetypes. Depending on whom a salesman meets, he pitches his offer in a way that aligns with their disposition.

For example, one client archetype is “Analytics,” representing those who want to know everything about a product.

As soon as the salesman recognizes that the client is analytical, he will delve right into the details of the product, including the why’s and how’s, rather than engaging in small talk during the meeting or giving a straightforward answer.

The same principle applies when trying to build a relationship with a woman.

For instance, you learn that she’s a woman in her early 30s with an athletic build and sun-kissed skin. She works as an anthropologist, is passionate about storytelling, and regularly visits the local market to purchase handcrafted artifacts.

In this case, you would want to market yourself to her by mirroring her.

This is because whether in sales or relationships, people respond best and easily form connections with those who resemble them the most.

Based on the given example, if she mentions that she’s an anthropologist who enjoys buying handcrafted artifacts, ask yourself, “What does she want to hear from me?”

You could talk about your own travel experiences and the local souvenirs you’ve collected during your trips. If you’re not into traveling, try to relate to her by asking for more details about her stories.

Meanwhile, if she does what she wants, demonstrating her independent and rebellious nature, a good approach would be to share some experiences from your childhood or recent years wherein you’ve done something bold. This could be challenging conventions in your workplace or making a risky yet successful decision on a project.

The point is, once you’ve answered the question, “What does she want from me?” and identify your compatibility, taking into account your interests, needs, desires, and lifestyles, try to align with those aspects to build a successful relationship with her.

A man thinking to himself, “What does she want to hear?”
Pay attention to her words. This way you can figure out the answer to, “What does she want to hear from me?”

Be Yourself and Embrace the Complexity

People often say that the best advice when trying to enter a relationship is to always be yourself.

While being authentic is indeed a good approach, you also need to know the answer to the question, “What does she want?” and use your strengths to present yourself in a way that aligns with what she’s looking for.

This way, you’re specifically addressing her needs and wants in a relationship, rather than satisfying her broad expectations as a woman.

However, keep in mind that relationships are inherently complex.

Even if you do enter a relationship with the woman you’re interested in, her desires and preferences could change over time.

In this scenario, you don’t need to reshape yourself according to these changes. Continue to be yourself and emphasize your qualities and experiences that resonate with hers.

However, practice communication, active listening, and empathy, as these are the foundations of a healthy relationship.

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