Should I Wait for Her to Be Ready? Here's What to Consider.
Have you ever stood in line at a bank, government office, or popular restaurant and felt like the wait was too long?
Or have you ever finished work early, waiting for your shift to end, only to feel like a minute was as long as an hour?
Research on the psychology of waiting suggests that often, time moves slowly when you have nothing to do – as if you’re living life on pause. In this case, it’s a matter of wanting to continue with the wait or not.
Men navigating the dating landscape might find themselves asking a similar question, “Should I wait for her to be ready?”
While the answer ultimately depends on your feelings and situation, here are several factors to consider when deciding whether to wait or not.
Did She Ask You to Wait, or Did You Assume She Wants You To?
Sometimes, when someone says they aren’t ready for a relationship, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re asking you to wait.
Often, it can simply mean that they want to focus on themselves and their goals, which is why they are declining your advances.
If you choose to wait while the other person has clearly expressed their intention of not pursuing a relationship, you’re putting your life on hold for an uncertain outcome.
Moreover, you’re closing the door for other potential partners to enter your life.
To determine whether you should wait for somebody, ask them to clarify their intentions.
Do they also have feelings for you? Is there a possibility of a relationship? Do they want you to wait?
How Long Should I Wait for Her?
If you were clearly told to wait for them to be ready for a relationship, the next question you should ask is, “How long do I need to wait?”
Studies on the psychology of making someone wait indicate that uncertain wait times feel longer than defined periods of waiting.
This is because you have no control over when it will end and when your normal life will resume.
Moreover, since you’re uncertain about how long you should pause your pursuit of other potential partners, you become preoccupied with anxious thoughts such as:
What if I wait for them and they decide they’re still not ready?
What if this waiting lasts for years?
Am I making any progress in our relationship during the wait?
Are they genuinely taking their time or am I being played?
For men waiting for a woman to be ready, try to discuss and determine a timeline for how long she envisions the wait. If she doesn’t have a specific duration in mind, you can suggest one.
After reaching your set date, both of you can check in with each other to assess whether you can move forward to becoming an official couple.
Can I Keep My Options Open While Waiting?
Often, those who are waiting make the mistake of committing exclusively, as if they’re already in a relationship.
However, remember that while you wait for somebody, you are still single.
Discuss with the other person whether they agree with the idea of you going on dates with other people while they take time to consider their response.
If they agree, you will be able to focus less on the waiting and experience less heartbreak in case they don’t want to pursue a relationship with you.
However, if they don’t agree, establish boundaries.
As mentioned, set a duration for the waiting period.
Moreover, match the effort they put in and avoid investing too much in a relationship that doesn’t guarantee reciprocation.
Should I Move On or Wait for Her When She’s Clearly Not Making Any Effort?
At times, people’s actions don’t align with their words.
For instance, despite expressing a desire for you to wait, they might not be interested in a relationship at all, potentially using you as a backup option, which would explain their lack of investment in the relationship.
As a result, this can leave you wondering, “Should I wait for her still?”
In such situations, assess whether this person is genuinely worth waiting for.
Are your feelings so deep that you’re willing to wait regardless of the outcome?
Are you sure they are the right match for you?
While evaluating the pros and cons of your decision, focus on your own well-being rather than fixating solely on the other person.
Feel free to decline their requests occasionally and prioritize other commitments. If they respond with anger or hurt because you’re pursuing activities that bring you fulfillment instead of channeling all your efforts towards them, avoid feeling guilty.
While you may have committed to waiting, you have not committed to a full-fledged relationship.
Because of this, you are not required to assume the traditional roles and responsibilities of a relationship partner.
How to Tell Someone You're Done Waiting for Them
During the waiting period, your question may change from “Should I wait for her to be ready?” to “How do I tell her that I’m no longer willing to wait?”
You may have gradually lost your feelings or come to the realization that pursuing a relationship with her isn’t worthwhile.
In that case, ask to have a serious conversation with her. Choose an appropriate time and place where both of you can have privacy to openly discuss your feelings.
Then, when communicating, be straightforward about your decision to stop waiting and your reasons why.
Also, center the conversation on your emotions, needs, and goals, rather than blaming her for her shortcomings or for consuming your time.
Depending on your emotions, also consider leaving room for potential future interactions. You might become good friends or your continued connection could lead you to becoming lovers.
Should I Wait for Her?
While waiting, it can feel as though your life is on hold because you don’t know if it will be worth it in the end.
As a result, many single men question whether it would be a good decision to wait for someone who’s not yet ready for a relationship.
Based on their experiences, some might say no, arguing that waiting is a waste of time and prevents you from connecting with other potential partners. Meanwhile, others encourage you to wait, expressing that it will be worth it once the other person agrees to be in a relationship with you.
However, whether to wait or not depends on your feelings and circumstances.
That being said, consider the various factors we mentioned to weigh your decision.
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