Questions to Ask Before Moving in Together With Your Partner
If you have been dating someone for a while, you may have thought about the idea of moving in together. After all, cohabitation seems like the next logical step if you are both in it for the long run.
But while transitioning to living under one roof might seem like a natural progression, there are factors to consider before arriving at such a life-changing decision.
For one, you both need to be on the same page and ready for the responsibilities and changes that come with it. It doesn’t help if one of you has cold feet about moving together.
So before anything else, here are things you need to know about the move, starting with the right questions to ask before moving in together to ensure you both agree on the terms of such a setup.
Important Questions to Ask Before Moving in Together
Why do you want to live together?
The most important question you need to ask yourselves before moving in together revolves around the main reason why you want to make the move in the first place.
You will want to make sure you are doing so for all the right reasons, and not because of pressure or because you see it as a means to an end.
What are your fears about moving in together?
The thought of living together with your partner is fun. However, it can also trigger fears you didn’t know existed.
You and your partner should share whatever apprehensions you have about moving in. Your honesty will help prevent potential problems from arising once you finally start sharing a living space.
Where do you see your relationship going after moving in together?
You and your partner shouldn’t move in together on a whim, nor should you adopt the “go with the flow” approach. Living together is a serious matter because it requires time, money, and effort. Set clear expectations to avoid confusion.
Pros and Cons of Moving in Together
With the most important questions answered, you now need to weigh the pros and cons of doing the move. Will it greatly benefit your relationship? Or will it only create problems and complications?
Pros
Stronger connection. Moving in together with your partner guarantees an automatic companion. The more time you spend with each other, the deeper your connection grows.
Sharing a home pushes you to communicate better because you spend most of your days under one roof. Make the most of your shared space and strengthen your bond.
Self-development. Living with your partner not only boosts relationships but character growth as well. When you share a space with someone you’re emotionally tethered to, you’ll start figuring out your emotional wants and needs. Such discoveries always help in making partnerships better.
Shared finances. Cohabitation has practical benefits; among them is saving money. Sharing a space with your partner allows you to save more since you’ll be able to divide your financial responsibilities.
Cons
Lifestyle clashes. Living together may unfortunately cause lifestyle clashes. Perhaps you may discover habits you can’t tolerate. Differences are inevitable, so you’ll need to navigate them or risk damaging your relationship.
Potential violation of boundaries. When you and your partner live in one space, there’s a possibility you’ll cross each other’s boundaries. The more you violate them, the more likely you become codependent.
Reduced intimacy. Moving in together strengthens bonds, but it may also eliminate some of your relationship’s novelty.
Intimacy may feel like part of a routine instead of something you anticipate. Don’t allow your relationship to become a stale affair.
Before Moving in Together: A Checklist
If you think the pros of cohabitation bear more weight, then you can finally start taking steps to move in. But before you start looking at properties, you may want to include these in your things to discuss before moving in together:
1. Organized finances
Most of the time, couples have varying incomes. This makes budget setting difficult because you may not agree on what’s affordable and what isn’t. Since you’ll be splitting expenses, you should know how to organize your finances to prevent future issues.
2. Living space
Where would you like to settle down? Do you have a specific location in mind? Are you targeting a certain price range?
Your space should be a place you and your partner are comfortable with. It won’t do if you pick a property that’s beyond your means.
3. Allocation of responsibilities
Both parties should get an equal share of chores. It isn’t fair if only one person does most of the responsibilities, while the other gets to relax.
Set a schedule for your daily, weekly, and monthly household tasks. Your timelines should be manageable enough for you both because you’ll follow them frequently.
4. Individual needs
What are your privacy concerns? Are there boundaries that need addressing? Do you follow strict routines? Share whatever individual needs you may have so nothing will be left unaddressed. This will encourage your partner to discuss their needs with you.
Red Flags Before Moving in Together
The thought of moving in with your partner may be exciting. However, you should also look out for possible warning signs. Identifying and addressing them will make your transition to cohabitation much easier.
These are some red flags you’ll want to watch out for:
1. Communication problems
Do you feel like you don’t have a say in your relationship? Do you and your partner find yourselves avoiding difficult conversations? Are you the type that prefers keeping your emotions to yourself?
If you’ve answered “yes” to one (or all) of those questions, your relationship may have communication issues.
Arguments are unavoidable, but you don’t want your communication problems to fester. They’ll only make for toxic living environments.
2. Pressure
Is your partner forcing you to decide to move in together? Is this a move you’re not ready for?
If you have any hesitations regarding cohabitation, don’t keep them to yourself. Voice out your concern and let your partner know your thoughts. Ignoring such pressure will create a host of relationship problems after moving in together.
3. Trust issues
Frequent doubts about your partner’s intentions, decisions, and feelings are enough to raise alarms. There’s no use in moving in together if you can’t trust each other.
Build trust by giving one another the benefit of the doubt. More often than not, your partner won’t do anything to hurt you. Don’t turn your partner into a villain you fear and despise.
4. Cleanliness and hygiene clashes
Not everyone shares the same views toward cleanliness. Some enjoy a little clutter in their surroundings, while others prefer absolute neatness and organization. If you and your partner clash on cleaning habits, you may find yourselves frequently fighting over them.
5. Controlling tendencies
When a guy talks about moving in together with his partner, you’d assume their long-term goals align. While they don’t have to match, they should at least not interfere with each other.
For example, your work requires constant traveling, and your partner insists you leave your job because they don’t want you out of their sight. That demand is enough to be considered a red flag because your partner is stunting your professional growth.
Don’t let your partner hold you back from pursuing your goals. Remember that you are both individuals. Controlling behavior can significantly affect your relationship dynamics.
Moving in with a partner can either end well or in disaster. You shouldn’t just lease an apartment and hope things will work out for the best.
If you still have questions to ask before moving in together, don’t be afraid to bring them up with your partner. Addressing your remaining reservations about cohabitation will allow for a seamless and hassle-free transition.
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